Unrequited Love

(Start by reading this, particularly if you're new to the blog.)

When you woke up this morning, you may have thought it would be just another normal day.  Nothing of note on your schedule, nothing particularly special about February 13th.  But don't be fooled on the eve of Valentine's... my marlin is in town tonight.

My heart raced when I got a text message this afternoon that started with "Hey gorgeous" and finished with "grab a few drinks tonight."

I told him that I had plans.  

That wasn't entirely true.  Not a complete lie though, more like an exaggeration of the truth.  I did have plans... but not with anyone.  I had plans to finish addressing my postcard mailing.  I had plans to do laundry.  I had plans to watch sitcoms without sound to study for my comedy classes this week.  But the second I received that text message... I wanted to throw all my plans out the window.

Which is exactly why I didn't.

I can still hear his voice in my head from when he was here last October.  I can still see the fireworks that explode in the sky when he pulls me in for a kiss.  I can still smell him and the lights of New York on my pillow.  I can still feel my heart race and my mouth's inability to correctly formulate any audible words when I look into his eyes.  

But most of all, I can still feel the disappointment of the moment I realized I can't see him any more because I was starting to want more.  I broke the rules.  More is exactly what we'd settled into not wanting... And yet here I am, four months without a single syllable exchanged between us until today, and my thoughts are more occupied than Wall Street.  I have no business waking up in that man's arms on the morning of Valentine's Day.  That kind of thing can give a romantic like me the wrong impression.  And there's little worse than wanting more from a source that may not be interested in giving it.

So tonight I will lie awake, knowing my marlin is sleeping under the same city lights and palm trees as I am, wondering if he's out there thinking of me.  I'll spend the night knowing that I'm only a twenty-minute drive from the spot where he invited me to be on this very night.  That I could have been in that spot if I chose to go, but I've decided that if I am going to have anything with him, it has to be more.

And if he thinks of my kiss half as much as I think of his... he'll find a way to give me more.

May you be lucky enough to spend the night and tomorrow's holiday with the one you love.