Someone Has to Win, Might As Well Be Me

All the envelopes have been opened and the winners announced.  This year wasn't full of surprises, though Meryl did win, which I didn't expect even though she had my SAG vote.  Now, the nominees and winners alike are off to amazing after parties and after-after parties until dawn.  (And trust me... I've been to post award show parties.  They are lavish and literally last until the sun comes up in Southern California.)

But if you're an actor who's name isn't on the guest lists, I hope you watch the Oscars and are still as inspired as I am.  Very, very true, Marili.  We should definitely not measure our worth as actors based on the golden accolades collecting dust on our mantle.  Being an artist is so much more than that.  And to be a successful artist, particularly in this business, you have to find motivation and validation from somewhere other than the statuettes you receive.  If you don't, no award will ever satisfy the void you're looking to fill. 

Someone once told me, "Anony, I've never known someone who strives for the best as you do.  You just have to be the best at whatever you're doing."  It's true.  No matter what it was, I was salivating over the highest possible achievement.  However, there have been many things I pursued that I didn't end up becoming the best -- I swore I was going to the Olympics for one sport, I just knew I would someday be the CEO in another industry I planned to enter.  I didn't just want to sing, I wanted to take peoples' breath away.  I never wanted to be average at anything, and though I didn't always achieve every little thing... there's a whole hell of a lot that I did.

Going for the Oscar has gotten such a bad reputation recently.  So many tell us that we should be happy and satisfied if we are someday able to pay all our bills from just acting.   Though we may never be famous, being a working actor should be enough... otherwise we're just greedy.  Those people are just trying to protect us.  Trying to make sure we're not striving for the awards for the wrong reasons.  Protecting us in case we don't achieve the ultimate... and therefore feel we didn't achieve anything at all... which is obviously untrue.  Reaching the ability to act for a living is an incredible achievement most actors will never enjoy.  We must find happiness in that.

But I'm going to be the one actress who says, I don't want to be just a working actress.  I want to be a great actress.  I want to be a name actress; an A-list actress.  But I am a dreamer, and that's my nature.  Not that being a great artist means you will automatically win an Oscar... or even that you're a great artist because you won an Oscar.  But I will win one someday just because it is possible.  We just watched a number of people win one tonight.  It's an achievement, the highest possible in our profession.  No matter what they tell you, it is possible.  And I'm going for it.