I wonder if it's the condition of the artist to feel emotions deeper than the rest of society. Though I suspect everyone feels the same way, sometimes I'm convinced everyone else has all their stuff together a lot more than I do. Sometimes I think I may bipolar with the peaks and valleys of emotions I go through. Today has turned into a little valley for some reason.
Maybe I'm coming off my carefree vacation high and am just settling back into the routine. I may have stayed up a little later last night than I should have. Maybe I'm a bit lonely. Maybe it's the nightmare I know I had last night but can't remember the details of. Maybe I'm feeling a little frustration at my lack of motivation to get to the gym. Or perhaps that I'm shooting tomorrow and skin decided to misbehave a little today. Maybe I've allowed last week's auditions, and the subsequent radio silence from the casting directors, get to me a little more than usual.
Or maybe it's a million other reasons why this life can get inside your head and kick up dust that settles on your heart.
This is tough. Days when I get home from work and have such little motivation to do more than lie on the couch and fall asleep with the TV on. When it feels like more than just being tired and lonely. I'm not sure what the secret is. Do you just let it go and give yourself the day? That's always tough for me because I inevitably end up feeling guilty that I didn't do anything productive. Mad at myself because I know that the people who succeed are the people who push through those feelings and be productive anyway.
While most of the time I believe that's true, I did allow myself to just relax a little tonight. Because, as much as I hate to admit it, that is important too. (Lest I make this classic actor mistake again.) And although I just had a weekend away... let's be honest... One doesn't recover from Vegas overnight. :)
A little TV, a little reading and early to bed to get some beauty sleep. After all, the sun -- and the camera -- will come out tomorrow. It's only a day away.