Dear People I Will Not Be Working With in Six Months

To my agents:

I don't like you.  You have a terrible reputation and I'm actually pretty hesitant to even be associated with you.  The only reason why I accepted your offer was because I figured you would be good for at least a few auditions during the months I'm hustling after someone more legitimate and worth my time.  And don't think for a minute that I'm fool enough to think you're all inspired to work hard for me because you were blown away by my talent and professionalism.  You don't even see the potential I have because your approach to agenting is the same as a spaghetti factory.  To you, I'm just another noodle of many in the plateful you've thrown at the wall, hoping one sticks.  You don't even take the time to actually evaluate the people sitting across the desk from you.  I was actually surprised when you noticed and commented on the "nice confidence about [me]."

But what's even more annoying than all that?  I emailed you, like we agreed, to notify you that I had taken care of all the little administrative tasks that needed to happen to get our "team" up and running: submission accounts linked up, various new headshots uploaded, etc.  In my email, I asked you to just give me a quick confirmation that you were all set on your end, you have everything you need from me, and we were moving forward.  Then I didn't hear from you for a few days.  So I emailed again, "Hi, please just send me a quick confirmation so I know we're on the same page."  Then when I still hadn't heard from you a week later, I left a voicemail.  That was on Tuesday.

Don't make me be a crazy actor, having to contact you repeatedly for something that should have been a non-issue.  Have the fucking decency to take two seconds and shoot me a "We're good, thanks," email as a common courtesy because that's how the real world of business operates.

Do not ignore me.  I do not pay you 10% for radio silence.  I would rather be on my own again than be treated like I'm invisible, particularly in light of the fact that I'm the one who writes your paycheck.  Get it together.

Thanks,
Anony