They're Out There, I Promise

The opportunities are there if you know how to look for them.  

When was the last time you had a great audition?  One that you knew you nailed, perhaps you even got a callback or two.  Did you make a great connection with the director?  Did the producer or writer give you great feedback?  What happened after you found out you didn't get it?  Did you just let it go and think, "oh well... better luck next time" and forget all about it?  You may have missed an opportunity to turn that great audition -- even though it didn't turn into a booking -- into a future audition.  

This weekend, I attended a performance of one of the plays I auditioned for a few months ago (but didn't get).  Although it was certainly a little painful to watch the actress who was ultimately cast stand in the light where I should have been, the evening was a success.  You see, I didn't go because I just had to see the show.  I went so that the people I auditioned for three months ago would see me again, remember me and perhaps think of me for whatever they're working on now or in the near future. 

The writer found me first and thanked me for coming to support his show... and made sure I knew just how close they came to casting me.  "There was a lot of discussion about you... I just want you to know that."  He even introduced me to a few new people with the qualifier, "This is Anony, she's an amazing actress."

It was almost worth it just for that positive feedback (I know how pathetic that sounds, but we're soooo starved of it in this world!).  But the best part?  We clinked our drinks to a successful show, and that same writer (who also happens to produce a ton of television) said, "We'll work together on something.  No doubt about it."

We set up a coffee meeting for later this week to catch up... and with that, a long-term professional relationship begins...

Stay In Front of the Camera to Stay in the Fight

I was filming a little scene for fun last weekend with another actor.  I find that when I'm constantly working -- even when I'm not working -- on material the happier I am.  It's a lot of effort, and sometimes instead of breaking down and memorizing yet another script, I just want to veg out and binge watch The West Wing (which I'm discovering for the very first time right now.  I know.  How did I just find this now?!?)

But I need to keep myself working on something. Anything.  It's been god knows how many months since my last big shoot but I have to be in front of the camera multiple times a week.  If I don't have an audition (though I was blessed with a mind-melting SEVEN last week), I grab friends who's work I really respect, who make me want to be a better actor, and film scenes.

After the shoot, this actor and I traded a few in-the-trench stories and I noticed a pattern.  He and I both bumped up a level last year.  I booked a big play, collected my first co-star and filmed a week on a feature. He landed his first two co-stars and national commercial.  We both made some biiiig gains... then for the following six-to-eight months... nadda.  Nuthin'.  Zilch.  

I've heard of this happening to others.  I wonder if it's a thing.  To start booking, and really booking.  Like big stuff.  Then to go months without... I wonder if that's a common experience when you're edging your way into this business.  Either way, it's awful.  It just might be harder than the stretch before you land your first big one.

We also agreed that one of the most difficult things isn't the not getting after an audition.  It's not when you come close and know you almost had it.  It's not even finding out you totally had it, but then didn't.  

It's watching all the roles that you are absolutely right for go right by because the casting director won't even let you in the room.  Those are the ones that hurt the most. 

But I refuse to let it best me... so instead of sitting down to watch ten episodes of WW... I'm going to start working on my next scene.  

Happy shooting...

Where Am I? Who Am I?

Single-cam comedy, multi-cam, network drama, CW dramedy.  Burbank to Culver City, back to Hollywood.  Eight pages here, ten pages there.  I'm Diane, then I'm Monica, Jess, Amy, Amanda, Cute Girl, Ms. Watson, College Coed, Private Baily's Wife.  Singing in Sherman Oaks in the morning, "washing" my hair Mid-City at noon, crying in Santa Monica in the afternoon...

It's craziness out there.  Yesterday I had to put a poor guy off for another week in setting up a first date.  I wouldn't be surprised if he got frustrated and lost interest.  Meh, easy come, easy go.... but that new CBS drama... that baby could change everything.

Getting in the Game

I have never really been involved in pilot season yet.  Apart from a few web series that like to appear bigger than they are by calling themselves "pilots", I have never tested for a series regular role.  I'm inching my way upward, but I have yet to read opposite the lead in a big star vehicle in front of a room full of network executives.  Pilot season has still remained this mythical thing that I'm vaguely aware is happening around me, but only in rooms they won't let me into...or dark alleys or hidden passages or something.  

That is... until this year.  While I'm not at the testing stage, I'm inching ever closer.  This year I'm actually getting to read for series regular roles.  Granted it's not many, and it's not in the room.  My agent and I have managed to get a couple opportunities to put myself on tape so he can send it to casting and beg them to take a look.  It's not much, and it's still a long shot (let's be honest, when is it not??) but it's closer than I've ever been before.  I am working with the same material the actors going in, performing the same scenes and my tape is getting in the hands of casting at the same time they are holding the sessions.  We haven't had any big bites yet, but my agent and I are optimistic that something will hit.

Other than that craziness.... it's been a whirlwind of smaller auditions, callbacks, two short film shoots, a co-star being weird and trying to kiss me in rehearsal (not in the script), a great director saying "we've got plans for you", workshops, the saving grace of a residual check, and that constant feeling in the gut of my stomach that something is about to happen in a very big way.  

And this is just January.

Welcome to pilot season  :)

Welcome to Pilot Season!

Here we go!  It's that time of year.  It's the season of auditions, pilots, mid-season television production, auditions, showcases, competitions and more auditions.  I'm not even testing for series regular roles on new pilots and I can tell this year is going to be a Doozy.  Capital D.  

Two weeks into the year and I'm already slammed.  I'll update you more later... but right now I have to master 8 pages for a feature lead audition this afternoon and another five for a showcase rehearsal this evening.  

Giddy up 2014!

Two Thousand and Fourteen

Now that we've all managed to emerge from the industry black hole that is the holiday season, let us get this party restarted!!

Time to shake off that extra helping of turkey stuffing, the mound of gift receipts and lose the hang-ups about what did (or didn't) happen in 2013. Let's start this year right. Let's hit the ground running. 2014 will be greater than any that have come before. It may not look like it in this exact moment, but one epic year is on it's way. How do I know? Because 2013 was a hell of a lot bigger and better than 2012. And 2012 left 2011 in the dust... which was ginormous compared to the years before that. (Shut up spell check.  I know ginormous technically isn't a word.  Whatever. I'm not playing Scrabble here.*) So welcome everyone! We -- me, you, your hamster, your competition -- are all about to have a fantastic year.

If we choose to.

That's right. I've said it before and I'll say it again. (What can I say, I'm stubborn. Plus I've been writing this dang thing for a couple years now, so I'm bound to repeat myself.) I don't care how long I've been in this town, I'm still a dreamer and I believe we can achieve anything we put our minds to.

So lets do that. Let 2014 be a year we continue to dream. Let 2014 be the year we choose to get out of our own way and let things happen in a big way. Let it be a year we believe we can actually make major progress in this crazy hustle. Let it be the year when we smile to ourselves and think... I got this. This ain't so hard. I'm even (heaven-forbid) having some fun with this grind. (Heresy!) Let 2014 be the year you believe it can happen, nay IS happening.

Let the games begin.


*I must confess to a crime.  I brutally Scrabble-murdered my mother three times over the holidays.  It was premeditated and in cold blood... but oh the victory tasted so sweet.  (Sorry Mom.) 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you had a wonderful holiday with lots of family, food and happiness!

One of my favorite yoga instructors says, "Gratitude is the antidote for perfectionism."  Whatever remedy exists for perfectionism, I can certainly use it.  I have high goals and expectations for myself and my future.  While that kind of internal drive is a gift I'll cherish forever, it can also get me into trouble because when does our life ever actually look like what we think it will.  The cure for the common cold known as negative thinking is gratitude. 

Once on the fifth day of a six-day film shoot, I hit a wall.  It was long hours, lots of pressure and my character was so high energy I was essentially the energizer bunny doped up on coffee and sugar pills.  An hour or two into the day I realized something was off.  There were no complaints from the director, but I felt it.  I wasn't doing my job the way I knew I could do it.  I wasn't bringing the energy, the charm, the funny.  It all felt forced and so NOT what I wanted to do.  That realization opened the door to a very intense, unshakable fear.  Where was my mojo?  Why was I now so insecure?  Why had what was so effortless in the previous four days now seemed forced and phony?  I just felt out of the rhythm of my own instrument. 

I was able to hang on till lunch and fortunately the scenes that morning weren't really mine, so the film didn't suffer.  But on my break I snuck out of the trailer to a nearby park and took a few moments to clear my brain.  It was up to me to let it go, whatever it was.  I sat for a few minutes to breathe through the fear and let it go.  I started meditating on everything I was grateful for... There in the park, speaking softly to myself (like a total actress weirdo), I literally started listing things, however insignificant they seemed:

Thank you healthy lungs for keeping me alive and thank you crisp air so that I may fill my breath. 

Thank you strong legs for literally carrying me through my life every day to this day. 

Thank you heart for beating non-stop, without fail for the last twenty-something years.

Thank you craft services for having a vegetarian option.

Thank you coffee for being on nearly every corner so that I may never have to go without your sweet bitterness.

Thank you wind for blowing my hair into my lip gloss to remind me that there are many things out of my control and to not take myself too seriously.

Thank you yoga for keeping my mind sane, and my body in shape so that I can feel comfortable shooting in Daisy Dukes and a bikini top.

Thank you movie for getting funding so that I am able to just be here, doing that which I love beyond words. 

...

After twenty minutes of light yoga and drafting a mental checklist of everything -- even the  sarcastic and comical -- for which I am grateful, I could no longer remember what had triggered the mental spiral I had been in.  I returned to set and killed it for the remainder of the shoot.

Whenever you're stuck in the negative/fearful/insecure/worried mental cycle, start making a checklist of your own.  Instead of thinking about how far away your dreams seem, thank yourself for everything you're proud of achieving.  Be specific, actually list them one by one.  It sounds cheesy, but do it anyway.  If you feel lonely, list all the people you're grateful to have in your life.  When you're late for an audition and you can't seem to find a parking spot within the same zip code, thank your car for driving you to and from every audition without breaking down.  When you're annoyed because there's a certain chord on the guitar you're having trouble nailing, thank your ear for hearing the difference between a well-played chord and one that's less than perfect.  Thank your fingers for trying, and for learning all the other chords you've asked of them.  

Then keep working on that chord.  You'll get it eventually.