If You Learn One Thing...

How often do we say an audition is never about that one job? 

We should say it daily. You should never walk into an audition desperate to land the role. Sure, sometimes we all fall in love with a character we'd love to play, but that's a different desire.  I'm talking about needing the role because you desperately need the money, or the credit, or the reassurance that you're not wasting your entire life pursuing something you'll never get. You can't let that kind of toxic nonsense enter your mind, especially not while you're in the room.  

I know I've said it before. Lots of people who give great advice have said it to you before. (And somewhere here, but I can't find a specific link... so just read them all.  You'll be better for it.) The audition is not actually about a particular job.  Never tell yourself that if you don't get it, you failed.  It's not about that role, it's actually about the people in the room.

Do you trust me on this yet? Have you internalized that advice?  You should.  Here's why...

You may remember this last fall. The female lead in a feature, the producer loved me and really went to bat for me to the writer/director. I went 3 or 4 rounds of callbacks. It was down to me and one other lady... and she got it.

That same producer called me about a month ago and asked if I was interested in the lead in a micro-budget film.  The writer/lead actress had to drop out five days before production was supposed to start.  Ultimately I decided to pass on the movie (it was non-paying and the script was meh at best), but it was wonderful that the producer called me. He totally understood and respected that Anony gotta pay the utility bill!

Flash forward to last week, that same producer is on a biiiiiig movie.  It's not necessarily a huge budget, but it has lots of stars and lots of attention.  I called him up and asked for a copy of the script to see if there's anything right for me...

And sure enough, there was... I sent my materials and the producer pitched me to the director... and the director said, "She's great.  Let's get her on tape."

So while I didn't land the movie last fall, the auditions (and my diligence in keeping up with this contact) has gotten me a shot at two more movies.  It's never about the one job.

Okay, I'm off.  I have a self-tape to do!

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world...

When I land the lead in a great film, with a great cast and an amazing director that has the city all a-buzz come award season, I want someone to have these delivered to my trailer. 

I probably won't eat them because... well because this is Hollywood and there will be an evening gown and a set of spanx with my name on it... but I just want to look at them right before I walk out the door and pretend like I was able to create something so wonderful, so iconic that it will last forever.

Reaching for the Stars is Fun, but Let's Build a Ladder to Actually Get There

If you're a SAG-AFTRA member, you probably know about the SAG Foundation events.  If you don't, you should because they're amazing.  They have free screenings followed by Q&As with the filmmakers, conversations with the creators of top television content and workshops that discuss topics that are super helpful to most professional actors.  I take full advantage of free screenings all over LA, so I've strolled into the teeny room at the SAG Foundation countless times.  The screen is kinda small, the ceiling a bit low, and I'm pretty sure the chairs were pulled from an adjacent conference room so it's not my absolute favorite place to sit for two hours. Still, it's worth it if you live in one of the major markets and you are current on your SAG dues.

But if those "ifs" don't apply to you... fear not! Lucky viewers like you can actually tune in at home, even if you don't have your fancy SAG card.  (Or if you do and you're like me and would rather avoid the traffic and parking and general annoyance of putting on makeup and prefer to just watch it from your own cozy couch with a hot cup of tea.)

Even if you're in Bulgaria and don't have a SAG ID at all, you can still benefit!  Whaaat??! Yep.  Listen closely, my young grasshoppers. The SAG Foundation posts most of the events on their YouTube channel.  Which means it's available anywhere and one of my favorite F words...

FREE!!!!

(I said, "one of"... not my "number one" favorite F word, okay?)  :)

While the Foundation does't stream the movies, they usually post everything else.  They actually stream it live if you want to feel like you're in the room, watching the conversations as they happen. That's usually not me.  I get emails promoting each event topic and if I'm interested, I leave it "unread" in my inbox to remind myself to go back and watch it... eventually.  I finally watched this one that's been in my inbox for a while now.  As in, since January. (Clearly, I'm super on top of things.)

But that's actually the beauty of these videos!  They stay up FOR-EV-ER so you can watch them WHENEVER THE HECK YOU WANT BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  

Okay. That was weird. 

But it's true. This was a great panel from January on goal setting, specifically tailored towards actors. I loved it and highly recommend.  There's a lot of information here -- I ended up taking bunch of notes -- but it's worth a watch from start to finish.  I'll write some thoughts about my major takeaways in future posts, but until then, here is the discussion in it's entirety should you want to take a look. (And you should.)

Earth is for Art Lovers

Welcome to November!  If you're a SAG-AFTRA member who often skips out on your dues until you book another job, you should really pay this one right away. Why? Because of all those wonderful wonderful free screeners of award season films!  Those glorious little discs that get mailed directly to you. For free.  And you get to watch them forever. For free.

It's worth the dues alone. 

Also (and far more important) get out there and make some art... be it on film, on a canvas, on your nails, or on your Facebook page... just do it.  It's what unites us all and makes this world a better place.
Maybe one day your art will be a screener too.

Girls Who Look Like Me

Those of us trying to make a living in this business are constantly in pursuit of that je ne sais quoi, that certain something that will set us apart from the rest of the competition (because there's a lot of it out there).  I sat on the phone with my manager for at least 45 minutes yesterday hashing out a game plan on how to get me separated from the masses. (I can't believe I've been here 7 years and I'm still fighting this battle.)  We're getting frustrated because every agency he pitches me to responds the same exact way.  (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I left my agent for a manager, so we're looking for new theatrical reps right now.  Long story. Future post.) 

They tell my manager they love my look, but they've already got ten girls who look like me and can't take on another one unless she has three guest stars already. Five years ago one network credit was good enough to land you a decent rep, the kind who could vouch for you and start opening doors.  Nowadays, if you look like me, you need three to five guest star level credits to get any sort of respeck, yo, and even they have trouble getting auditions. And if you've been reading my blog at all, you know how fucking hard it is to get a single audition for that level of credit without a decent rep. Therein lies the problem: because without an audition, there is no way you can land a job. So you're stuck in this loop of needing help to get more auditions, but needing the credits to get the help.  It's infuriating.

I've been in Los Angeles for 7 years and I've faced the same problem every day of it. During that time I've tried being on a smaller agency's roster as one of ten girls who looks like me, but the truth is... those small agencies have very little actual pull with casting directors. It's only logical, they're competing against bigger agencies with clients who look like me with 3-5 guest star credits.  The casting director will call in the better resume-ed girl every time.

I've kept thinking that I just need to be patient, eventually there will be an opening at one of those bigger agencies for a girl who looks like me. Yesterday I finally realized that it's just wishful thinking.  There will NEVER be a day when agents are short on my type.  It just won't happen.  Waiting for it is a loser's game.

The fact remains that every big accomplishment I have ever had in my career was a direct result of shit I did for myself.  My own work. My own phone calls. My own hustle.  I have never had the experience of a rep who was flooding me with opportunities.  It's not entirely their fault, I am in the largest, most competitive category for women.  If you ever hear some non-industry person back home in Ohio or Oklahoma who says being good looking is enough to make it in Hollywood, stomp on their toe for me, will ya?  I've devoted seven years to it and it is harder than they could possibly imagine. (edit: I later realized this may read waaaaay differently than I intended...  I'm wasn't trying to say, "poor me, I'm so good looking and that's all that matters but no one will hire me, wahh!" I meant that even if I were a 10 -- which I'm not -- it's not enough to be reasonably good looking, no matter what your type, because this town is full of good looking people. Thousands of them. They're literally everywhere.)

However, in true Anony fashion....  I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I will NOT let this industry beat me. Success is out there for me (and you too) and we have only to fearlessly reach for it.  I have only to reach for it one more time than this stupid industry pushes me away. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, I will be successful eventually. Maybe I'm just being stubborn but the challenges just make me even more determined to prove that it's possible.

So what's the new plan?  Most girls who look like me don't write like me. If winning writing awards as a kid or my little secret blog and the attention it has received has taught me anything... it's that I am a damn good writer.  I might as well try to use it to push me forward as an actor. My plan is to write my own star vehicle. Like a Good Will Hunting/Rocky/Juno plan. I mentioned it before, but I'm 40 pages in now.  It's slow going and I've written and rewritten the first act, but it's well on the way to the finish line.  

My goal is to have the first draft done by the end of the month... so pretty much I'll be glued to my laptop for the next two weeks.  I'll try to take a break now and then to keep you updated on the progress. 

Stay tuned, loyal readers!  We will forge ahead fearlessly together.

Final Quarter of 2014

The last few weeks has been, no joke, life dialed up to cray cray.  Shootings and mailings and rep changes and script writing and weddings and travel and new romance, OH MY!!  But today, I finally feel like I'm home and centered enough to think straight and get caught up on... well.... everything.  

But you know that even when I'm gone, I'm not really gone.  I'm always here and will always find my way back to make sure you know exactly how this crazy train ride is going.  It's October now, which means we have a strong push for the next two months for this episodic season.  It would be so so so awesome if I could land another network credit in those two months!  

Let's get going on that....

Anonymous Screenwriter

I have returned to Los Angeles after a month of shooting on location on two movies. It has been an awesome ride.   They aren't big budget, summer blockbusters, but they were fun movies, some of my best work and a teeeeny bit of cash in my pocket. Though when all is said and done, I actually lost money by being out of Los Angeles for so long, but that's why this career is so difficult.  In order to advance, you will inevitably have to choose the baby steps that can help you move forward over a bigger paycheck. You have to hang on, keep working hard and believe that someday, there actually will be a bigger paycheck.

More great news, in my down time on set, I was able to hash out an outline for an incredible feature I've been trying to write. (!!) I mentioned I'm trying to write a feature, right? I've been writing to you so long I have trouble remembering everything I've already said. I could have sworn I posted before about my many attempts to write a screenplay, but I couldn't find it to link.  Let me know if you happen across one. 

Anyway, since I've been back at home I have been writing feverishly and have thirty pages down.  Those thirty pages will obviously evolve, but I am well on my way to writing, producing and starring in my own feature!  That's a crazy new adventure that I will, of course, share with you every step of the way.

Right now, I'm all Hemingway and shutting myself up with my typewriter computer until I hammer out a first draft.  It's a bit anti-social, but it's also curbing the inevitable emotional drop that happens after a production finishes.  I've always called it the "post-show come-down", but someone on this last crew named it the "production hangover".  It's so true and happens to everyone. Every time.  You get home and back to "reality" and start to madly miss the crew family and dream of being back on set laughing at all the same inside jokes.  We'll never be assembled in the same place at the same time ever again and it's a little heart breaking.  But it's part of the business and at least we'll have the final movie and all the memories to cherish forever.

And of course... despite having just rocked two features, being back in LA means we're back to the grind and on the hunt for the next job... I can't WAIT for what's up next!!!