A Taste of Tomorrow

Almost as quickly as it arrived, my shoot is over.  I'm trying to let go of any fear about my performance.  (And also the fear that fifty million people will see that performance.  Oh god...) I doubt it will be bad. It may just be forgettable, which is actually not a terrible worse-case scenario.  I am not pursing this career under the irrational belief that I am perfect and I doubt this will be the last time I worry about bombing. It was the best I could do in that moment. I gave it my all and that is enough for me.  Plus, I still walk away with the credit, which is actually the most important part of this entire job... picking up a recognizable film credit to inch me closer to the day when my resume gets me through casting doors.

Despite the hiccups, it was absolutely wonderful and my heart ached when I had to leave.  I ended up spending an extra day on set after I wrapped to hang out and get face-time with the crew.  I also used the opportunity to just watch the veterans and learn how they worked. Just spending time on a set that large, sitting in video village watching the shot is a front row seat to how the business really works... and how my future will look. 

This is my first studio movie and though the budget was super tight, it still felt fancy to me.  I had my own trailer. Production assistants fell all over themselves to bring me anything I wanted. The director was super attentive and instantly knew my name when I walked on set. Craft services walked around with little trays of finger food to nibble on non-stop. (I kept joking with them that I just wanted to smell it, because pigs in a blanket and quesadillas do not help an actress get the next job.) There were cameras everywhere and police with barricades to keep the prying eyes of the public out. I went out to sight-see around town and people asked to take a picture with me when they found out I was in the movie (and I said yes because I'm human and I wanted to indulge in the fantasy too.) Everything was a grand ol' production and a caravan of endless trucks, trailers, star wagons and lighting equipment.  I badly wanted to be there all day every day, leading the entire movie. 

I will someday.  And you'll have been with me every step of the way. Let's get there together.