A Confession of Love

There's a funny thing about me.  Not  "ha ha" funny, but a "that's kinda weird, but you're totally in the right business" funny.  You see, I love the camera.  There's a certain... um, how do I describe it... chemical reaction that happens in my brain when a camera is pointed at me.  The sensation is even greater when I look right into the lens.  It doesn't matter what's happening; what lighting, gaffing, makup-ing madness is swirling around me.  When that camera is pointed at me, I feel a very deep internal sense of calm and groundedness.


I know.  That's ridiculous.  It's incredibly weird and funny. Trust me, I know.  Most people get nervous the second a camera is trained on them.  Most people feel intense pressure, freeze up, clam up.  I think most people are intimidated by the camera as if it were there to catch them making a mistake.  As if the camera were judging their every move.

Not me.  There is a wordless love between me and the camera.  I feel like it is the only one who is really listening to me, the only one who can't help but watch my every move.  I know that sounds narcissistic, but I don't mean it like that.  The only way I can describe it is... imagine someone you know very well.  Someone you admire, respect, perhaps even love.  Someone who knows you and loves you so much that they know the meaning behind the tiniest of micro-expressions on your face.  Someone who is so fascinated by every word you are about to say that they are unable to blink.  Someone who can know what you're thinking, even from across a crowded room.  Now imagine how much you dream to connect with that person.  How good it feels to communicate with them.  How relaxed it feels to look into their eyes and know you don't even have to try, they know exactly what's going on in your mind.  

That's me and a camera.  Never mind the blur of fifteen people circling around me, fussing with my makeup, spraying my hair just so, shouting from video village for more head room in my frame, getting the perfect lighting bounce from below.  It's just me and that camera (or three, as was the case yesterday), winking at each other from across the room.