It Goes On

I wish I had better news for you, but alas, I did not book the role from last week's audition.  

It was a bit of a funny train ride.  I received the audition and my first thought was, "I look young, but certainly not that young..."  I immediately emailed my agent to express my reluctance, the age was probably a bit out of my reach.  We discussed and he thought that even though it was a stretch, I could do it.  Also if nothing else, it would be an opportunity to meet a casting director who had not seen my work before.  I told my agent, "If you believe it, I'll believe it and sell it in the room," so we agreed to keep the audition.  I immediately turned to my roommate and said, "No eff-ing way I'm going to look that young."  

Then I took a deep breath and did my job.  Under no circumstances can I ever walk into any casting room with even the slightest disbelief that I am the girl in the script.  I spent the next few hours working on the 13 pages of material and convincing myself that I was, in fact, that young.  That I could pass for such a baby... and I did my job well, because the next day I sat read for that role truly and deeply, 100% believing that I could pull it off.  So much so, that I was really disappointed that I didn't even get a callback.  It was a great read and a character that was very similar to who I was (at that age) and even still am (at my current age).  I was certain I had a real shot at it. 

As the days passed without any word and I started to let go of the fantasy of having a three episode arc on a fun little sit-com, I chuckled to myself.  (Well let's be honest, I chuckled after the disappointment ran it's course.)  I don't think I ever really had a shot at pulling off 17... those days have come and gone for me.  I'll never know for certain if that was the real reason why I didn't book, but I am sure it was part of it.  I laugh because I had gone from being totally convinced that the role was completely out of my range, to being convinced that it actually wasn't, then back again.  I'm proud of the work I did to let go and truly believe, because that is a huge part of what this job is all about.

So though I'm quite disappointed I didn't get the job, I know there will be more opportunities (however far away they seem) and eventually I will book.  It may be agonizingly slow at times, this career will continue to climb.  In moments like these -- and any other difficult times both personally and professionally -- I remember the very wise words of Robert Frost:

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It Goes On."

And so it does...