Getting in the Game

I have never really been involved in pilot season yet.  Apart from a few web series that like to appear bigger than they are by calling themselves "pilots", I have never tested for a series regular role.  I'm inching my way upward, but I have yet to read opposite the lead in a big star vehicle in front of a room full of network executives.  Pilot season has still remained this mythical thing that I'm vaguely aware is happening around me, but only in rooms they won't let me into...or dark alleys or hidden passages or something.  

That is... until this year.  While I'm not at the testing stage, I'm inching ever closer.  This year I'm actually getting to read for series regular roles.  Granted it's not many, and it's not in the room.  My agent and I have managed to get a couple opportunities to put myself on tape so he can send it to casting and beg them to take a look.  It's not much, and it's still a long shot (let's be honest, when is it not??) but it's closer than I've ever been before.  I am working with the same material the actors going in, performing the same scenes and my tape is getting in the hands of casting at the same time they are holding the sessions.  We haven't had any big bites yet, but my agent and I are optimistic that something will hit.

Other than that craziness.... it's been a whirlwind of smaller auditions, callbacks, two short film shoots, a co-star being weird and trying to kiss me in rehearsal (not in the script), a great director saying "we've got plans for you", workshops, the saving grace of a residual check, and that constant feeling in the gut of my stomach that something is about to happen in a very big way.  

And this is just January.

Welcome to pilot season  :)

Welcome to Pilot Season!

Here we go!  It's that time of year.  It's the season of auditions, pilots, mid-season television production, auditions, showcases, competitions and more auditions.  I'm not even testing for series regular roles on new pilots and I can tell this year is going to be a Doozy.  Capital D.  

Two weeks into the year and I'm already slammed.  I'll update you more later... but right now I have to master 8 pages for a feature lead audition this afternoon and another five for a showcase rehearsal this evening.  

Giddy up 2014!

Two Thousand and Fourteen

Now that we've all managed to emerge from the industry black hole that is the holiday season, let us get this party restarted!!

Time to shake off that extra helping of turkey stuffing, the mound of gift receipts and lose the hang-ups about what did (or didn't) happen in 2013. Let's start this year right. Let's hit the ground running. 2014 will be greater than any that have come before. It may not look like it in this exact moment, but one epic year is on it's way. How do I know? Because 2013 was a hell of a lot bigger and better than 2012. And 2012 left 2011 in the dust... which was ginormous compared to the years before that. (Shut up spell check.  I know ginormous technically isn't a word.  Whatever. I'm not playing Scrabble here.*) So welcome everyone! We -- me, you, your hamster, your competition -- are all about to have a fantastic year.

If we choose to.

That's right. I've said it before and I'll say it again. (What can I say, I'm stubborn. Plus I've been writing this dang thing for a couple years now, so I'm bound to repeat myself.) I don't care how long I've been in this town, I'm still a dreamer and I believe we can achieve anything we put our minds to.

So lets do that. Let 2014 be a year we continue to dream. Let 2014 be the year we choose to get out of our own way and let things happen in a big way. Let it be a year we believe we can actually make major progress in this crazy hustle. Let it be the year when we smile to ourselves and think... I got this. This ain't so hard. I'm even (heaven-forbid) having some fun with this grind. (Heresy!) Let 2014 be the year you believe it can happen, nay IS happening.

Let the games begin.


*I must confess to a crime.  I brutally Scrabble-murdered my mother three times over the holidays.  It was premeditated and in cold blood... but oh the victory tasted so sweet.  (Sorry Mom.) 

An Attitude of Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you had a wonderful holiday with lots of family, food and happiness!

One of my favorite yoga instructors says, "Gratitude is the antidote for perfectionism."  Whatever remedy exists for perfectionism, I can certainly use it.  I have high goals and expectations for myself and my future.  While that kind of internal drive is a gift I'll cherish forever, it can also get me into trouble because when does our life ever actually look like what we think it will.  The cure for the common cold known as negative thinking is gratitude. 

Once on the fifth day of a six-day film shoot, I hit a wall.  It was long hours, lots of pressure and my character was so high energy I was essentially the energizer bunny doped up on coffee and sugar pills.  An hour or two into the day I realized something was off.  There were no complaints from the director, but I felt it.  I wasn't doing my job the way I knew I could do it.  I wasn't bringing the energy, the charm, the funny.  It all felt forced and so NOT what I wanted to do.  That realization opened the door to a very intense, unshakable fear.  Where was my mojo?  Why was I now so insecure?  Why had what was so effortless in the previous four days now seemed forced and phony?  I just felt out of the rhythm of my own instrument. 

I was able to hang on till lunch and fortunately the scenes that morning weren't really mine, so the film didn't suffer.  But on my break I snuck out of the trailer to a nearby park and took a few moments to clear my brain.  It was up to me to let it go, whatever it was.  I sat for a few minutes to breathe through the fear and let it go.  I started meditating on everything I was grateful for... There in the park, speaking softly to myself (like a total actress weirdo), I literally started listing things, however insignificant they seemed:

Thank you healthy lungs for keeping me alive and thank you crisp air so that I may fill my breath. 

Thank you strong legs for literally carrying me through my life every day to this day. 

Thank you heart for beating non-stop, without fail for the last twenty-something years.

Thank you craft services for having a vegetarian option.

Thank you coffee for being on nearly every corner so that I may never have to go without your sweet bitterness.

Thank you wind for blowing my hair into my lip gloss to remind me that there are many things out of my control and to not take myself too seriously.

Thank you yoga for keeping my mind sane, and my body in shape so that I can feel comfortable shooting in Daisy Dukes and a bikini top.

Thank you movie for getting funding so that I am able to just be here, doing that which I love beyond words. 

...

After twenty minutes of light yoga and drafting a mental checklist of everything -- even the  sarcastic and comical -- for which I am grateful, I could no longer remember what had triggered the mental spiral I had been in.  I returned to set and killed it for the remainder of the shoot.

Whenever you're stuck in the negative/fearful/insecure/worried mental cycle, start making a checklist of your own.  Instead of thinking about how far away your dreams seem, thank yourself for everything you're proud of achieving.  Be specific, actually list them one by one.  It sounds cheesy, but do it anyway.  If you feel lonely, list all the people you're grateful to have in your life.  When you're late for an audition and you can't seem to find a parking spot within the same zip code, thank your car for driving you to and from every audition without breaking down.  When you're annoyed because there's a certain chord on the guitar you're having trouble nailing, thank your ear for hearing the difference between a well-played chord and one that's less than perfect.  Thank your fingers for trying, and for learning all the other chords you've asked of them.  

Then keep working on that chord.  You'll get it eventually.

Close Does Count in More Than Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

Just found out that I didn't end up booking either play.  

I guess it's reassuring to see that I'm definitely doing something right because both came down to me and one other girl.  (Are you sensing a pattern here?) But in what can only be described as irony, the first play went with the other girl because I just looked too young and the second because I didn't quite look young enough.  It's that classic story they always tell us actors to describe how arbitrary booking really is... it's just a little more annoying when it actually happens to you.  In the same week.

One casting director tells you you're too tall and you turn around and another says you're too short...  Or too young/too old/too hot/not hot enough... there is some random silly thing that you have no control over that will knock you out of the running at some point.  It's frustrating, but it's inevitable.  Still, you and I have been around the block to know that it is never about the one job.  It's about getting in there and nailing it and making fans in the room. 

There were seven people I made solid impressions on during the five rounds of casting I had last week, including one I've been trying to get in front of for a year.  Though I'm not walking away with a role today, you bet your britches I'll be watching their next projects like a hawk for any parts that are right for me.  Coming this close will definitely help me get in front of them again, and someday the part will be right for me.  Stay tuned to see how it pays off down the road.

My Ears Are Burning

I think it's weird to know that people are talking about me right now.  Well, maybe not right this exact second, but generally the last few days.  There are literally teams of people on two separate projects who are mulling over Anony as the female lead in their productions.  I wonder what they're saying, sitting there with my headshot in their hands...

Okay guys, stop trying to make me talk about it!  Just cool it.  I'm trying to focus on other things, yo! 

(Clearly I'm terrible at this part.)

It's a Small Town, Really

One of the perks about being a professional actor in Los Angeles -- and trust me, very few sentences begin with that phrase -- is that we get to see pretty much every movie for free.  Something you want to see?  Guaranteed that at some point there will be a screening of it somewhere in this city and all you need is your guild card to sit in the plush studio seats and enjoy.  I take advantage of this perk whenever I can.  I feel like it's a little restitution for all the hardship this industry puts us through.

So last night, I was trying to keep my mind off my pending auditions like a good little actor, and took a friend to see a screening of a great film that will release in a couple months.  Twenty minutes into the movie, in walks a character who looks strangely familiar... the actress was my partner for one of the chemistry reads on Wednesday.

Sometimes there's no getting away from it.