Keep Your Crazy

I Love Movies!

It probably comes as no surprise that I love movies.  I live and breath them.  I get goosebumps at the 20th Century Fox fanfare at the beginning of a movie and a lump in my throat when the Paramount stars soar through the sky.  I go so far as to view memories and moments in my life as if they were scenes from a movie.  My friends (particularly the non-actor ones) always laugh at me for saying such things as, "if this were a movie, this would be the scene where..." and then I calculate my next move based on how this imaginary film would play out.  I know, I'm a nerd.

But I've come to terms with my high level of nerd-ness and just embrace it as part of my charm.  Yesterday was a day devoted to movies and my undying love for them.  I dragged a friend to three screenings.  Starting with The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel in the morning and The Avengers 3D that afternoon (both at the state-of-the-art theater at the Director's Guild in Los Angeles).  We ended the day by having a picnic and wine at the outdoor screening of  Sabrina at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery.  (Which is, without a doubt, my favorite thing to do in this city.) 

The spread...

 

I just kept thinking all day yesterday... you know, life ain't so bad.  In fact, it's been pretty darn good to me.  

:)

And the Pendulum Swings Back Up

Boy, this life is about as far from emotionally stable as one can get.  Last week, I was wallowing in frustration at my lack of bookings.  I was angry that I had what I knew in my bones to be great auditions, and yet my phone wasn't exactly ringing off the hook with offers. 

But you can't let it get to you.  There's no point.  Because all that time I spent throwing my own little pitty party, I was about to get a callback for one of the features.  Went in this morning for five producers and guess what?  I nailed it again. 

Still not a booking, but that's okay.  No more pity parties (well, until my next one).  It's nothing that I didn't know before, but sometimes it is more of a challenge to remember.  You never know what is just around the corner.  It could be a callback, a booking or that elusive "big break."  It's out there somewhere.  It's just a matter of hanging on long enough to find it.

Go out there and have fun this holiday weekend.  Stop stressing about work and career and allow yourself the freedom to just live your life for a few days.  (This is me talking to me, but you'll probably benefit from taking the advice as well.)  Welcome that summer through the door like you would an old friend you haven't seen in years.  Sit her down with a nice cocktail and plan out all the fun things you'll do together in the next few months. 

I love summer just about as much as I love callbacks.  Here's to having lots of both in the coming months...

Shhh, Little Girl, We're Doing Just Fine

I'll admit it... I let it get to me.  I got frustrated and angry and disappointed.  In the last few weeks I've had auditions for three major indie films,  two commercials,  and was called in for three different roles on a television show.  Aside from one absolutely bombed commercial audition (worthy of it's own post), I nailed them all.  That has been my pattern.  Lately I have felt my craft and audition execution transcend to a new level truly worthy of being noticed.  My discipline, unfaltering.  My preparation, thorough.  My dedication, immovable.  My passion, ignited.  All the pieces were in place.  Everything was solid.  It was feeling like my time.  All I needed was a booking.

And I NEEDED a booking.  I wanted one so bad, I could feel it in my gut.  I was hungry for the satisfying effects of carving a notch in my belt.  The "yeah, that's right" that accompanies getting one in the bag.  I desperately longed for the phone call that could keep that nervous little girl inside me, who sometimes worries if I'm really any good at this, quiet for just a little while longer.

But no bookings came this month.  And when no bookings come, that little girl likes to start rattling off all sorts of theories and opinions.  She's not doing it to sabotage or hurt me, she's just trying to help and to protect my heart.  She doesn't know it does more harm than good.  Normally I'm able to give her a pep talk and coax her into calming down and relaxing back into this hustle of a career.  A house divided against itself will fall, so I need her on my side if we're gonna do this.  Normally, she doesn't need much reassurance, but in the last week she decided to be particularly vocal.

She so badly wanted to triumphantly declare to all my Facebook followers that one of the auditions mentioned in my many posts had paid off.  She wanted to make my mother (who's been so unwaveringly supportive) proud by giving her the chance to finally be able to brag about her successful daughter.  That girl inside of me wanted to write to the hundreds of you who so faithfully return to share in my victories.  She wanted me to be able to tell you that I'd done it, I'd finally booked my first recognizable credit.  She wanted to be able to give that to you, because she knows you're reading not just to see what happens for me... but also to be reassured yourself.  Because if it can happen to me, it can happen to you.

But mistakenly, while trying to shut her up, I shut myself up and left you for a week without word.  I'm sorry I was gone.  I should have sorted through my head noise right here with you.  It is, after all, part of the journey.  So while I don't have any booking news to share at the moment, know that if you're feeling like you have a worried inner little girl (or little boy) of your own, you're not alone.  And if you haven't heard from your inner child, trust me, you will.  This business is hard. While sharing some of this with a non-actor friend of mine, he said, "Auditioning sounds like my exact definition of hell."  Yeah, maybe on a bad day.  But on a good day... it's greater than you can possibly imagine.

So as they say across the pond, let's just..

Making the Short List

There are lots of lists in the world.  Some are good lists, some are bad lists.  But as an actor in Los Angeles, there is one list that getting on is priority number one.  I'm not talking about no VIP list for a Hollywood club.  I'm talking about the short list.  (Pause for the echo... the short list... the short list... the short list...)

What is the short list?  That's the list in any given casting director's head which holds names and faces of actors they like.  When you're on that short list, the casting director thinks of your name while reading scripts, planning to call you in even before they've released a breakdown for the role.  They've called you in for other characters before that haven't been quite right, didn't quite fit... but they like you and want to find one that does.  They call you back in again and again until you land the role that's right for you.

Right now, I'm so grateful.  I've made the short list in  a couple offices in town.  Yesterday, one called me in for the third time in the last few weeks.  They keep bringing me in, and I keep nailing it.  The session was incredibly relaxed and at ease because I've already been in three times.  I felt comfortable and free to have fun.  Yesterday's audition was great, but even if I don't book it, I'm confident the office will call me in for role number four... and if necessary, then five... then six....   

I don't care if it takes ten tries, I'm booking a role on this show!!

Big TV Audition Today

I had intended to put down a nice shiny new post for you last night... but my agent called at 5pm with an audition appointment for this morning so I had to spend the time with the words of a script instead of words to you.  But don't worry, I'll share as soon as I get the chance.

For now, know that it went well.  Very well.  I can't wait to tell you more about it.

In the meantime... cross your fingers for me!

She Devil

I have to admit that one of the things I love about acting is that it can take you to places most normal people try to avoid.  Pain, suffering, insanity, heartbreak, Armageddon, worldwide invasion by little green men... it doesn't matter.  It's all fair game in Hollywood. I have yet to officially decide if working on characters is living something that is outside of yourself... or just finding whatever it is within you.  (Hmmm?)  One of the most interesting ways to explore this question is to audition for a character who is possessed by a demon... which I did today.

Allow me to set the stage.

This very reputable indie film casting office had been on my radar since last fall and I'd been laying some marketing groundwork trying to get their attention.  All this time, I wondered if it would ever pay off.  I found out it did this week when they called me in for a lead in a SAG modified low budget feature.  Getting that email felt like finding the one friend who calls you back after you've gone through your phone book looking for someone to drive you to the airport.  "Oh, thank GOD you called.  I was starting to worry that I didn't have any real friends."

Anyway, they sent me the sides... holy shit.  This is the most technically difficult scene I have ever had to prepare.  It required seduction, screaming (or more precisely, an "inhuman howl") sobbing, hurricane force winds and murder.  After I read through it the first time, I just stared at the pages for probably fives straight minutes.  How the hell am I going to pull this off in an office without props (besides my paper and a chair), no scene partner (aside from the reader, who I can't touch) and pages of ridiculous physical action like attacking multiple people, a room basically being torn apart around me by the wind and oh yeah... in parts I'm possessed with a fucking devil spirit.  My coach always says, "Judgement kills creativity," so I decide to just go for it.  (I've mentioned to you before how important commitment is.)

So I did.  I worked on it with my coach this morning (and after we laughed about the absurdity of it) we got down to business and made a very real audition that was grounded and honest.  (Well, as honest as you can be when you're pretending to bite the flesh off of someone else's body.)

So I'm in the room, giving it everything I have.  Howling "inhumanly", basically tearing the chair apart, sobbing with fear.  I'm not quite sure if I was actually acting or just being insane.  (Is there any difference?)  When it was over, I couldn't help but laugh and the casting director said, "No, that's great. Thanks!"

I really have no idea what the hell I did in that room.   And by the looks on the faces of the other actors in the waiting room on my way out... neither did they.