Big Day

Holy shit.  I did it.  I got it.  

My agent called and it's mine.  I just booked my first recognizable TV credit.  

And it's not just kinda recognizable.  It's a giant neon sign in the middle of a dark room.  Everyone in this town knows this show.  Everyone in your town knows this show.  

Direct quote from my agent: "Anony, things are going to change for you after this."

Bring it on.

Welcome to the Hustle

Let me tell you how this business works:  You walk off the plane at LAX and producers start knocking each other over to offer you the lead in the next summer rom-com.

Gotcha!

It's more like this:

February - begin studying with wonderful coach who helps you make a breakthrough in your approach

August - coach hears of a role in a play with industry peeps attached and sends your info

Later in August - you bust your butt in a 45 minute audition, and though you don't get the role, you are asked to understudy the lead

September - you keep busting your butt for a show that you're not actually sure you'll ever get to perform

October-December - you keep busting your butt to attend many of the shows and watch another actor perform the role you've spent countless hours putting together in case you get called to perform, but that call doesn't come.

January - you get a different call, it seems another cast member has left the show and they would like you to take over a different role for the final month of performances.  You bust your butt again to get caught up on a new role

February - you throw your heart and soul into every minute you're on stage in every performance

Later in February - the show closes and your heart breaks a little as you say goodbye to what has become a huge part of your life and career

March - you hear about a role you could be right for that's being cast for the big big TV show for which the playwright (of the play you were just in) used to write... so you ask if he can pass along your information to his folks still on the show

Later that day - your headshot and resume lands in the hands of a current writer for the big big TV show, who replies that she remembers you from the play and will get your stuff in the hands of casting

Today - you leave yoga to a voicemail from your agent with an audition for the big big TV show

So this one audition is just over a year in the making.  It's at one of the biggest, perhaps the biggest, casting offices in town.  And guess what?  It ain't no series regular.  It isn't the lead in this year's summer blockbuster or next year's pilot.  All that work is for a small co-star role with a couple lines. 

That's how tough this town is.

P. S.

To all of you who have written me wonderful emails in my absence, my sincere apologies for not getting back to you yet.  My blog-cation included email as well.  I will get to you all eventually, so hang tight and keep up the good fight!!  

Ta,

Anony

Anonymous Yogi

My shins sweat.

I was in what seemed like my millionth downward dog in yoga class today and noticed the tiny beads of sweat forming on my shins.  Okay, who am I kidding.  They were not tiny beads.  I've vowed to always be honest with you...  They were streams of glistening body juice running down my legs, arms and face.  I giggled to myself and thought... I need to blog about this.  

So here I am.  Returning to the warm feeling of keys beneath my fingers and the soft glow of the computer screen on my face.  It's like feeling the sun finally come out on what's been a cloudy morning.  It's a long, deep stretch down to your toes that you haven't done in ages.  It's a yawn big enough it can make you sneeze.

Existence as an actor is this weird thing where you're constantly in limbo... working day in and day out in a side job to pay the bills while waiting for your "real" job to take off.  You put a normal life, and it's normal milestones, on hold while you hustle after an elusive career.  You try to maintain hobbies and a social life so you can experience some semblance of normalcy, but sometimes it feels like you're just trying to keep yourself busy and distracted from that nagging inner worry that your break will never come.  It's a tough existence to maintain.  Sometimes the hustle takes over, sometimes the distractions do.  I don't know if that's just life, a normal cycle of waning and waxing of the internal drive, or if it's my own particular demon to battle.  Either way, I'm finally emerging from a waning period. 

Life has come at me hard over the last few months.  Struggles in my personal life, particularly the financial kind, robbed me of a significant amount of motivation.  I needed a little mental break, and I took it.  I've been operating at a kind of half-capacity for a few months.  But I needed it... and half-capacity is better than zero capacity.    

Another truth, readers... I went and got my heart broken.  Not the heart break of the constant rejection and brick walls of Hollywood.  That I'm used to and can take in stride and let roll off my back.  I mean the real, honest-to-goodness falling out of love kind.  You know what I mean, it happens to everyone at some point.  In the end, I'm grateful for it as it has lead me directly into the arms of what's turning out to be my next great love... the practice of yoga.  Yep...  I've turned into one of those cliche, mat-carrying, warrior-posing actresses that fill up little studios every morning all over this town.  

(Polite pause while you uncrinkle your nose at the thought.)

Give me some credit though!!  I don't wear makeup to class and dear god...  I vehemently refuse to pay $68 for a Lululemon tank top I'm just going to drench with sweat in ten minutes.  I also will not be caught dead saying things like, "OMG I had, like, six gummy bears this morning.  I'm sooo fat."  "You're so not!  Hey, by the way, did you ever hear back from that one producer-guy?"

Blech!  I hear that conversation happening around me every time I stand in line for coffee.

But guess what... I love the mat.  In yoga, we are taught to bring the focus back to our breath.  To slow down and focus on ourselves and our centers.  It could be just all that twisting and stretching, but my internal fire has been reignited.  Not only has it helped me and my sweaty shins deal with the lingering emotions at the end of a grand love affair, it's also getting this little booty into camera shape.  Which is excellent because I just filmed another commercial today, I signed with a new publicist who is bringing in film offers and I have two awards shows coming up in the next two months.  Things are heating up and getting sweaty here... and it ain't from my Chaturanga Dandasana.

Wanna come?  I'm bringing you with me.  Let's go give this town a little hell.  


 

Spam Be Gone

What is the deal with all the crazy spam comments on the blog?  They just started happening a month or so ago and now it seems every post gets dozens of weired spammy comments.  Any other bloggsters out there know what's going on and care to help out this casual anonymous blogger?  Am I doomed to forever delete 20 bogus comments from every post I make??

Opine if you have any suggestions.  But in your answer, so I know you're legit... list your favorite kind of pet.  

I used to have a pet tree frog.  True story.

The Devil is in the Tiny Details

I've done that silly thing again.  That thing where I keep thinking I can't bother you with the trivial stories, or mundane details.  You keep sending me wonderful messages of support and praise and gratitude for writing my story down.  Words that help you all on your own journey after this great big dream we share.  I read them and cherish every single syllable.  I love them more than my own writing.  If I could etch your emails into stone and build a house out of them, I would.  Who knows, maybe it could even shield me from the waves of rejection that seem to roll over everyone in this town with more frequency than commercial airliners coasting into LAX.  I care so much about writing words worth reading, that sometimes my internal filter works a little too well.  I don't want to bore you with the insignificant, day-to-day, endless dredge that is the reality of choosing this life.

Then I remember... that's the entire reason I started writing this blog.  To put it all to paper (figuratively).  To write it out, for my own sanity, but to also to share the knowledge so that maybe your dream can have a fighting chance as well.  In fact, it's the mundane, day-to-day grind that is the heart of this hustle.  It's not all red carpets and publicity junkets.  It's the little, seemingly insignificant details of running your own business.  That's the stuff that keeps this train going day after day, year after year. 

So here is one of those silly little details.  A few months ago I decided to leave my cushy day job and opt for a more traditional actor survival job.  (That was most definitely not the mundane detail.  It was a huge decision, one I'm still adjusting to, and worth it's own post.  Or ten.  More on that biggie later.) 

The little detail is how annoying it is to have to change your routine.  One of the adjustments I've had to make is completely transforming the way I run my business from the computer.  I'm no longer synced up to an office and the PC I used to sit down to every day at 9am.  I was seemlessly glued into a network that performed that wonderful every day magic of keeping everything on my computer, calendar, contacts and phone all synced up without me having to do a thing.  But now I'm not on the network any more.  My wimpy home Outlook isn't synced up to any of the emails I still use, nor calendar, nor the Cloud... as a result, I'm playing the very dangerous game of having all the important pieces of information I own saved in one place.  The very portable, but very lose-able iPhone.  I've been putting off doing the research... what exactly is the cloud?  Do I need it if I can just use the calendar with my own website?  Can I dump all my contacts, notes and calendar dates into my new system so that I don't have to spend the next three years of my life entering them manually??  Do I have to mess with getting that stupid little chord out every morning to sync my phone?  (Because, let's be honest here.  That's NOT going to happen.  Ever.)

This is a mundane detail in a very long list of similar ones that's getting in the way of me keeping on top of my career. It's also something I am determined to fix this week.  I may no longer have an office office, but I need a home office.  There's an incredible amount of activity that happens online every single day for an actor.  Daily  Hourly submissions, post cards (and thus the research for correct contact information), mailings, casting shifts, meeting set ups, rehearsal scheduling... it really is endless.  And to be honest, I'm behind.

In the end, I think a successful career (and life) is about working hard, moving forward and constantly adjusting to get better, stronger and more efficient.  It all needs to be up to date, easily accessible and backed up lest you tempt fate to lose it all.  I left my day job so that I can be better positioned to get out there and knock on doors.  To move and shake things around in a way I haven't been able to do in the last four years because I've been at the office.  I'm ready to start going after that.

Just now, as I finish up writing this post (and seriously reconsider whether it's even interesting enough to publish) I received a notice for an audition tomorrow night for another play.  One thing is for certain... this play I've been working on for the last four months (much more on that later) has given me all sorts of street cred in the theater world in La La Land.  It's very rare now that I don't get called in to audition for a play I submit to.  After years of feeling like my resumes have disappeared into an endless abyss never to be seen or heard from again, it feels ridiculously good to click submit then to just get a response with an invitation to read.  

I have to admit, it's pretty awesome actually.  

The Reboot

The above picture was sent to me from a friend who shares my passion for running.  She and I were lamenting on those moments when you've let your discipline slip a little and not run for a few days. (Okay, a week and half, but who's counting?)  

It's really hard to lace up your tennies and get back out there when you're body is feeling sluggish from excessive indulgence in sappy romantic movies and holiday turkey.  After even a short period, it's hard for me to get going again and I'm a marathon-participating, Runner's World-subscribing, bona-fide lover of sneaks beneath my feet making a soft pitter-patter along the road.  I can't imagine how tough it is for those out there who only have a vague inclination that they should be out there jogging.  

Still, it has to be done.  And there's nothing more difficult than having to restart your engines after you've let them settle a bit.  I could have easily thrown down eight or ten miles three weeks ago, but now that I have been a little bit of a bum the last two, I dread the thought of walking around the block.  I feel frustrated that I've let my runner's high wane enough that it will take a week or so to get it back.  The first few runs will be hard and uncomfortable.  Which only feeds the desire to remain on the couch instead of trodding around the golf course trail.

And though you haven't heard from me in a while... you remember me well enough to know that I started to apply that lesson to other things in my universe.  So many life-altering events have happened in the few months since I wrote to you last, I started to feel more and more overwhelmed by how much I needed to share.  I started feeling overwhelmed at the growing task of writing pages upon pages of events to you, and the lessons I learned in them, that instead of just getting it out little by little, I let it build up to where it seemed a most impossible task to catch up.  That overwhelm inevitably lead to the place where I didn't end up writing anything at all.  Oh how it can mirror the career, eh?

So today is my walk around the block.  I have much to share on the play, the life of an understudy, the reviews in all the papers, the success (and failures) of the show.  I also need to tell you about my drastic change in survival jobs and the crazy adjustment it has been (and still is).  There's so much to share on life, and love and career that I can't possibly get to it all now.  

But I'm still here and determined to get my runner's high, as well as my blogger's high, back so that you and I can keep on going after this dream.  Let's lace up our shoes and pound some pavement -- the running kind and the Hollywood kind.